Next Conflict »
Category: Kids and Family

Encouraging a child's natural gifts vs. pushing a child too hard

Report this conflict
Share this: Facebook Twitter Email

Mate 1

Our 11-year-old son has a gift. His swim coach, a former Olympian, calls him a natural breaststroker. He guarantees that if our son works hard, he’ll be nationally ranked as a 12-year-old, earn a full scholarship at the college of his choice, and maybe even compete in the Olympics in eight years, or at least in the Olympic Trials. Working hard means practicing every day except Sunday, practicing twice a day three times a week (before school at 5:00 a.m. and after school too), and attending out-of-town meets once a month. This is what our son wants to do more than anything, and I think we should let him give it a try.

Mate 2

It’s true. Jack has natural ability, but not only in swimming. He’s a naturally gifted athlete. Who knows what else he could be good at and might love even more than swimming? We’ll never know if he spends half his free time as a kid under water. I want to expose him to a lot of sports and opportunities, and if he wants to specialize, let him choose what he likes best when he’s 16 – old enough to really know. What Coach wants him to do is too much for a kid. Jack will burn out on swimming in just a few years and will have missed out on soccer and football and baseball – the team sports that all of his friends are having so much fun playing now

Who do you agree with?

You're now a Casual Ref (0 points)
Click here to redeem

Time expired.

Most people agree with cast your vote to see

Weigh in on this conflict
Share your thoughts and advice »
To add your comment, Login / Register or
Unregistered user

kchick

If your son is interested in swimming why are trying to push him into any other sport? Especially when you’ve got him enrolled in school. He’ll most likely be exposed to all the sports you mentioned, and more, in p.e.
Why prevent him from doing what he wants? Yes, as an 11 year old he’ll probably complain about the schedule at some point, but guess what, so would a 16 year old.
I suggest setting up a contract with him-yes one that he signs-. Set up a time frame in the contract, 4 months should be good, that he has to keep practicing and what not.
At the end of the 4 months, talk with him again and see if he still wants to swim or not. Then if he does let him, if doesn’t don’t push it.
Seriously though, don’t try and stop him just because it would be a difficult task for him to do. He’s 11 not 5.

Good advice? Yes (5) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.
Our photo

Dannielle

As backwards as it sounds, at 16 he won’t have the same opportunities to train his body and for the future that he has now. As long as it’s what he wants, let him do it. Otherwise he may grow to resent you for holding him back.

Good advice? Yes (1) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.
Unregistered user

arc

I have a 8 yr old daughter who is a really good soccer player. She has the passion and the drive, so we are going to travel team trials in two weeks. She is already in a city rec team. (She also wanted to do this, I asked her before hand). I also have her in individual swimming lessons with a great instructor, she is naturally very athletic, but I can see that there is a difference in the spark between the two. While we will continue to do swimming, I can see now that she already knows where she wants to go. Who knows we might get a scholarship for soccer when the time comes. She even likes the idea of going to soccer camp this summer.

If your child has a passion, let him follow it. He can try other things too, but he will know in his heart what he wants. The other reader’s suggestion (kchick), about a 4 month trial is not bad. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

Good advice? Yes (1) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.
Our photo

dorinda

Hello dear
My name is Dorinda i saw your profile today and became interested in you,i will also like to know you more,and if you can send an email to my email address,i will give you my pictures here is my email address (dorinda_bahi@yahoo.com) I believe we can move from here! Awaiting for your mail to my email address above.
Dorinda.
Please email me on (dorinda_bahi@yahoo.com) for more communications.

Good advice? Yes (0) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.
Our photo

Dane

He is interested in swimming and obviously he loves it so much and is so fantastic that he has a shot at the Olympics. And you want to interrupt that hard work to expose him to baseball, soccer, football? What is your damage? If he was interested in that, you would know it by now. You pulling him away from what he loves to broaden his horizon sounds more like you living your life vicariously thru him. He’s 11. When he hits 16, he is probably still going to love it. No coach says “Olympics” to an 11 yo unless that kid is outstanding. Leave him alone. Go join a guys league and play baseball, etc. yourself. BTW…do you think swimming is sissy?? If so, you are soooo wrong. It is hot!

Good advice? Yes (0) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.
Unregistered user

Jennifer

If he is passionate, and it’s what he wants, let him do it. If he gets burnt out, cut back on all the practice, and if he’s meant to do it, he will miss it and want to get back to the old routine. Don’t worry Mate 2, he will let you know what he wants to do. Organize a Sunday afternoon soccer, baseball or some other game with his friends and let them go at it.

Good advice? Yes (0) | No (0)   Too Harsh? Let Us Know.

Loading next conflict

Loading